Will i get like this, or does it already happen

I don't know if it's just me but at times my parents can be somewhat embarassing. Everyone says it from time to time, especially little kids when they get that extra hug or that extra kiss infront of their friends when they're about to leave or go play. I usually see it everyday at work with the kids in my day camp right before they get to the school yard when they're getting dropped off in the mornings.
Unfortunately I'm not talking about that kid of embarassment from my parents. With that you can't be embarassed and you understand as you get older that they just love you that much that it could be hard for them to let go, even for the day. I'm talking about when not only my parents, but when my family gets drunk. Most of my imediate family drinks a great amount, especially with family get togethers, vacations, or even on the weekends.
The most recent episode was with my father. I love my father to death and I can't change him but I wish I could on those really roough days for him because he just turns to the bottle pretty much all the time until its gone. I guess it didn't help him growing up that my grandfather had a drinking problem either. I mean before he had his double knee replacement it seemed like it was just for the pain, I mean he was killing a bottle of wine to himself every friday night just so he could be numb enough to not feel his knees. After that I thought he would stop going that hard. For the most part he did, but he still has those days. It takes him a lot to get plastered, but when he does he gets stupid drunk. Its not like hes a spring chicken either so when he gets up to go to bed i have to follow him to make sure he doesn't trip and eat shit. When he gets that bad to he says some depressing and truthful stuff. The filter is off and anything and everything that you don't want to hear comes out. Usually he just rocks out to his vinyl which is great, not because of his physical and mental state, but because of the selection and rediculous amount of music he has.
At his age i can't change him and honestly i would do the same and probably have, which is what scares me the most. It felt just embarassing to sit there and listen to him rattle off these depressing things about his life and how he looked like the world was about to end in the next few hours. I don't want to end up like this, but from watching others drinks seem to solve the problem temporarily for the time being and don't arise again till the next time i get that way. I see the damage, but at times its hard to prevent it from happening. Hopefully i can find some sort of middle ground or just control myself enough that I never get that way. The worst part about this is that this happens everywhere in this country and effects most of the people too. We all gotta get our shit together one way or another.

peace & love

Its been a minute

Its really been a while as for me writing anything. Work has kept me fairly busy which is bueno because more work = more money and thats what I really gotta focus on for the time being. The best thing was going up to see one of my boys from school last weekend for the fourth of july. I pulled a dickhead move by never texting my other friend while I was up there to chill, but thankfully i got to speak to him and its all gravy. It was just a stress free weekend. I mean we worked out, went to a carshow, chilled at the beach twice, made some money while doing work that required little thought and went to a party all in a 3 day span. Plus i just got to escape the city for a bit. I mean I love New York and always will, but sometimes I just need a break from the lifestyle and the people and work. At times I would trade life in NY for up there just because it seems simpler. However I think thats why I love NY so much. The fact that you have to go through some sort of stupid shit and overcome it everyday makes it great. The fact that we can roll with the punches and keep on going. Anyway it was good to see my friend again who I hadn't seen in a month and a half after seeing him almost everday for 9 months. He looks a lot better then he did at school, he got a shit ton stronger and his shoulder is looking one hundred times better then before. Plus hes getting bigger muscle wise, which hopefully means he'll play football next year which would be pretty crazy to watch. He just seems like a happier person too because he's one of the nicest kids that would give the shirt of his back for you if you needed one and it sucked to see him at times in the condition that he was in at school.

After a good weekend work started up again. This week was a smidge bit rough because of scheduling and it was the first week for the kids. Most of my boys are good, they're all a little goofy which is good because they are only 10-12 years old which is necessary, but I only got two kids who can give a hard time. One of them is special needs so he can't really help it and the other one is just a pain in the ass who gets annoying when he jokes around too much. Thankfully as the week went on they realized what the rules were and how they're gonna be enforced and they know that I don't play around, but I"m there for whatever they need at the same time. Next week should be pretty chill with the trips starting up. I'm just looking forward to some sleep and seeing the roots & talib on sunday night in bk. Even though i know noone looks at this, but I rambled a bit, but thats what happens when you don't do something in a while, you get sloppy.

peace & love