shit i havent wrote on this thing in a while
eh maybe i wont have to cause the world is supposedly gonna end in a few hours
even thought nothings gonna happen well see tomorrow
-peace & love
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Need to write some things
I just feel like I need to get some things off my chest. First of all I just want to write that silence, even for a few minutes is an absolutely beautiful thing. Not just to get away from the stresses of work, school, sports, people and everything and anything else, but to just appreciate the smaller things in life. I was just outside for about 20 mins and it just gave me time to think about trying and getting my life in order. I mean it seems like a good amount of people my age seem to have their lives planned out already. I don't know if thats because of the type of people here at Springfield already have their majors all planned out in their first year. But I just feel like they have it all planned out for them. Not to say that they know everything that will happen to them because nothing in life seems to go the way its planned to, but that they have a fair idea. I feel like I'm just lost in limbo. I really have no clue if I'm even headed towards the right major or not. I mean looking at life, I want to not only be successful in my work, but do something that I enjoy. I want to be able to say that I made a positive impact on someone's life one way or another. It's nice to have personal accomplishments and material things but you can't take those things to the grave with you. Once you're in the ground you're the same as everyone else. The only part of you that can live on is what's left in people's memories of you and what you did, said, or how you acted. Hopefully I can find some sort of path that will lead me somewhere in that general direction. The best example of what I'm trying to say is this quote from James Joyce. "What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal."
While thinking about if I've made an impact on others,I was scrolling through the names of people in my cell phone. While scrolling through, the names of my family members really stood out. I mean these are the people who have helped raise me, were with me in good times and bad, have loved me and cared for me unconditionally yet I realized that I don"t really say thank you, or I love you enough to them, especially my parents. These are the two people who have given up their worlds, any possible admirations and dreams, to give all that they can humanly do so that my sisters and I can life a prosperous and healthy life. I mean my father for example was drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the NFL. Yet he decided to not play because of the fact that if he got hurt again then he could be crippled and then that would lead him unable to provide for his family. If I could be as physically or as mentally strong as anyone on this earth it would be my father. Hes been through so much yet still gets up everyday at 4:30 and goes to work for the fucked up Postal Service so that I can go to school and get an education. He's not a very vocal person, but his actions show how much he truly loves his children. Even after working long hours he would still make time to play with my sisters and I in the yard, which he made seem like a giant playground. It's like he has an endless source of energy and has the greatest drive of anyone that I know. And he is true to himself in that if he has something to say, you're going to hear it whether you like it or not, and if you don't like it he doesn't really give a shit. The biggest impact this man had on me was his strength during his mothers passing. It was the first time that I've ever seen this man cry, yet he was still strong enough to go over every Sunday and help to take care of her to try and make the process as less painful on my grandfather as he could. The fact that he did this for about two years just shocks me. The other strength is my mother. It feels like what can't I say? This is the person who gave me life, fed me, clothed me, spanked me, healed me, helped me and loved me. She's been a coach, a fan, and a teacher. I'm tearing up right now just because of the memories flying by right now. I wouldn't know what I would do if I lost her. Seeing her hurt got me emotional enough this past year when one of her students pushed her up against a wall and gave her a black eye which still infuriates me. This woman put herself through college and worked her ass off, and is self made I think. She didn't work while raising my sisters and I. I mean we didn't really have much, and we still don't, but she and my father always made the best of it. She even went back to work when I was in the 2nd grade so that we could gather up some funds for us to be able to pay the bills and eventually help to put my sisters and I through college. She works from 7 to about 5 everyday and comes home exhausted. She has stories of working in the school system that some people will never think of. She puts in overtime and takes any position that she can just to get some extra money for us. She's driven hundreds of thousands of miles to take my sisters and I to countless games and tournaments. For putting in all those hours out of her day, I can never give those back, I truly appreciate and love her for that. I can keep typing, but for now I need to get my life in order and get some semblance of work done. After my 20 min revelation hopefully I can try and be more appreciative and hopefully one day make someone else feel as strongly as I do about my parents as they would me.
Peace & Love
While thinking about if I've made an impact on others,I was scrolling through the names of people in my cell phone. While scrolling through, the names of my family members really stood out. I mean these are the people who have helped raise me, were with me in good times and bad, have loved me and cared for me unconditionally yet I realized that I don"t really say thank you, or I love you enough to them, especially my parents. These are the two people who have given up their worlds, any possible admirations and dreams, to give all that they can humanly do so that my sisters and I can life a prosperous and healthy life. I mean my father for example was drafted by the New Orleans Saints in the NFL. Yet he decided to not play because of the fact that if he got hurt again then he could be crippled and then that would lead him unable to provide for his family. If I could be as physically or as mentally strong as anyone on this earth it would be my father. Hes been through so much yet still gets up everyday at 4:30 and goes to work for the fucked up Postal Service so that I can go to school and get an education. He's not a very vocal person, but his actions show how much he truly loves his children. Even after working long hours he would still make time to play with my sisters and I in the yard, which he made seem like a giant playground. It's like he has an endless source of energy and has the greatest drive of anyone that I know. And he is true to himself in that if he has something to say, you're going to hear it whether you like it or not, and if you don't like it he doesn't really give a shit. The biggest impact this man had on me was his strength during his mothers passing. It was the first time that I've ever seen this man cry, yet he was still strong enough to go over every Sunday and help to take care of her to try and make the process as less painful on my grandfather as he could. The fact that he did this for about two years just shocks me. The other strength is my mother. It feels like what can't I say? This is the person who gave me life, fed me, clothed me, spanked me, healed me, helped me and loved me. She's been a coach, a fan, and a teacher. I'm tearing up right now just because of the memories flying by right now. I wouldn't know what I would do if I lost her. Seeing her hurt got me emotional enough this past year when one of her students pushed her up against a wall and gave her a black eye which still infuriates me. This woman put herself through college and worked her ass off, and is self made I think. She didn't work while raising my sisters and I. I mean we didn't really have much, and we still don't, but she and my father always made the best of it. She even went back to work when I was in the 2nd grade so that we could gather up some funds for us to be able to pay the bills and eventually help to put my sisters and I through college. She works from 7 to about 5 everyday and comes home exhausted. She has stories of working in the school system that some people will never think of. She puts in overtime and takes any position that she can just to get some extra money for us. She's driven hundreds of thousands of miles to take my sisters and I to countless games and tournaments. For putting in all those hours out of her day, I can never give those back, I truly appreciate and love her for that. I can keep typing, but for now I need to get my life in order and get some semblance of work done. After my 20 min revelation hopefully I can try and be more appreciative and hopefully one day make someone else feel as strongly as I do about my parents as they would me.
Peace & Love
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