before i pass out

ive been listening to joe buddens new mixtape mood musik 4. Its a pretty good listen, its nice to hear this from him cause i was really a big fan of him, but hes definitely on his job with this one. I just kept listening to his second track which has this quote sampled into it from Rocky Balboa movie. Might be my new favorite quote so before i go to bed cause im sick as a dog, i leave you with this.

"I'd hold you up to say to your mother, "this kid's gonna be the best kid in the world. This kid's gonna be somebody better than anybody I ever knew." And you grew up good and wonderful. It was great just watching you, every day was like a privilige. Then the time come for you to be your own man and take on the world, and you did. But somewhere along the line, you changed. You stopped being you. You let people stick a finger in your face and tell you you're no good. And when things got hard, you started looking for something to blame, like a big shadow. Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son and you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, ya ain't gonna have a life."





-peace & love

Second Chances

This year has already been pretty wild for me so far. I mean i've only been at school for a little over a month and a half and the amount of close calls I've had has been wild compared to last year. In the beginning of the year is when I've probably had one of my luckiest moments of my life. I had a recruit and took him out to show him a good time. The only problem is that i had a much better time then he did. Luckily I left him with my roomate and proceeded to go to my room. Unfortunately some ra's, saw me stumble on the stairs ( only happened because it was wet outside and i had boat shoes with a rubber sole). Then they came and got me when I was already in my room. But to tie this story up I got sent to the drunk tank. Luckily again my recruit was fine. If he got caught i woulda been fucked, possibly kicked off the team or even out of school. Fortunately my only punishment was to go to an alc edu class, but with my luck i missed it because i thought it was at eight and not seven. Fortunately they gave me a second chance and understood my situation so i got another date. This time I made sure I wrote this shit down and put it somewhere i could see it everyday so i won't forget.
Another time its the end of the night at a friends school and were taking people back to their dorms. We had seven people in a four door sedan with a bag full of booze. We just came from a party and we blew a blinking red light that no one stops at and of course after that happens all i see is flashing lights and everything just stops and I cant hear anything except my heart beating like a jackhammer. All I kept saying in my head was im fucked. I thought i was gonna get arrested and be stuck in Worcester without a way home. This was followed with my life flashing before my eyes and then repeating several our fathers and hail mary's. Luckily my roomate slick talked his way out of it and we didn't get in trouble, the kid in the back said the alc was his and we were able to drop the girls off and then get the fuck outta there. This was only a few weeks after my initial incident.
The week before that at UNH and few friends and I ran from a busted party. The shit that ive gotten out of this year is definitely going to stay in my memory banks for a while. What I guess I'm trying to say is that I've been really lucky to get these second chances. Without second chances my family wouldn't really exist. Whenever my dad gets a little too much in him he really opens up like anyone does. But he always reminded me that he truely believes that meeting my mom gave him a new lease on life. So whenever you have the oppurtunity or a second chance availible take it because you just might be saving a life or creating new ones.

-peace & love

just feel like shit

i haven't put anything on this in a while. And really i have no excuse for it. I make up excuses for too much stuff sometimes and i need to cut it out. As for the title that pretty much sums it up. I'm not sick in anyway possible, just feel like shit. I haven't done anything wrong to be ashamed of, at least I don't think so. I just feel like ass. Like i can laugh and joke and have a good time but then its back to shit in like 2 mins. I don't know what it is, I've just been in a funk. Feels like I can't do anything right. I don't want to say im depressed or anything, but it could be. I cant remember being happy without going out or drinking. Its just been shit even though i have nothing to feel like that about. My situation right now is good, great even, but i still feel like my shit is all turned upside down. I would usually tell myself to stop bitching and suck it up. Ive felt this waya few times before, but never for this long. Hopefully I can figure it out.

-peave & love