Recently I just turned 19 and it blows my mind. I still think I'm a little kid and still feel like one. Even though I'm much bigger and older, I can still remember most of my elementary school years. I remember how much simpler things were then. This came and hit me in the face this summer after working with ten to twelve year old boys, reliving experiences every other day. The flashbacks came and went and even scared me sometimes. The only difference is that I appreciate them so much more. I wish I could just go back and relive those years just to say thank you to those people who taught me, loved me, and coached me along the way to make me the person that I am today. But thats the thing about life. It's not perfect for a reason. We learn from those mistakes made, and hopefully don;t do the same again. I just miss those times and wish I could just stay there forever. I miss playing basketball and every other conceivable sport with my sisters and my dad. I miss washing the car with my dad and eventually having huge water fights. Playing wiffle ball with my friends, when staying up late meant till midnight, 90s cartoons, wishing I was in the NBA, watching my sisters play, traveling to tournements, sleeping over at my aunts house, roofball, being able to play an instrument, being so creative that I made my own comic books, drawing for hours on end, having best friends only a few blocks away, the simple joy of watching the simpsons before bed, and not having to worry about things because my family is right there. The only thing that really hasn't changed is that my family is still right here with me and I can't thank them enough for that. I coulnd't imagine not living with both my parents and my sisters under one roof and I have the utmost respect and sympathy to those who didn't because i will never know what you went through. Those younger times for me seem like they're better, but hopefully I can say that ten years from now by just living and doing right now.
-peace and love
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Great Expectations.........
Family means the world to me. Even though I may not show it at times, I love my sisters and my parents more than anything in this world. Being the youngest of the three children is an interesting position that I've found myself in. Both of my sisters have helped to break my parents in and made them less strict through their antics and different experiences. Also I get to learn from the mistakes that they've made or the lack there of. My sisters have been my biggest influences on my life and they still are at times.
Throughout my youth we were always together either at games or tournements or recitals or something basketball or school related.
Both of them are rediculously smart, going through the alpha program, one then going to hunter, the other to 194 then Francis Lewis. Both were part of the national honors society, took AP classes, earned college credits and were in shit tons of extra curriculars. Besides that they also played years of CYO, won diocesan, AAU tournements, nationals, recieved scholarships, played in the garden, earned full rides to d1 schools and played well too.
From an early age it felt like I never could compare to them. I didn't make it into the alpha program till the 6th grade, while they made it in the 1st grade. When I got there I struggled too, and left all of my friends that I had made in the past 6 years and felt like I didn't belong. If that didn't make me feel like shit enough, I failed the hunter test horribly, and didn't even get accepted to Francis Lewis. In high school I felt like I wasted my parents money cause they ended up paying 16 grand for me to go to xavier. Basketball wise I have nothing on them. I never got to travel with an AAU team outside of New Jersey. Never stayed with the same team, and I stopped playing in high school. I never went to nationals, and honestly half the time I hated it because I either didn't play or didn't really play that well. My high school career was the biggest bust ever. I was compared to an older kid and everyone thought I was pretty good. I was always hurt and spent just about half of my time on the sidelines. In the biggest game of my senior year I choked beyond belief. I never made it to the city championships. I only got looks because I played ok for a few weeks one summer, not because of my high school play.
It sounds like I'm complaining but its just to show the standards that were set and how for the most part I feel like I failed to reach. No one ever asks to be compared to anyone, but it always happens one way or another.
Its just like at times i feel that the only reason i do half the stuff I do is because of them. I feel like they've already made the path for me, whether it be for school, ball or whatever. It feels like I haven't made many of my own decissions. I feel like im living their life and not my own.
I mean I love my life, I just gotta make it more of my own.
I duno I'm just thinking too much again.
peace & love
Throughout my youth we were always together either at games or tournements or recitals or something basketball or school related.
Both of them are rediculously smart, going through the alpha program, one then going to hunter, the other to 194 then Francis Lewis. Both were part of the national honors society, took AP classes, earned college credits and were in shit tons of extra curriculars. Besides that they also played years of CYO, won diocesan, AAU tournements, nationals, recieved scholarships, played in the garden, earned full rides to d1 schools and played well too.
From an early age it felt like I never could compare to them. I didn't make it into the alpha program till the 6th grade, while they made it in the 1st grade. When I got there I struggled too, and left all of my friends that I had made in the past 6 years and felt like I didn't belong. If that didn't make me feel like shit enough, I failed the hunter test horribly, and didn't even get accepted to Francis Lewis. In high school I felt like I wasted my parents money cause they ended up paying 16 grand for me to go to xavier. Basketball wise I have nothing on them. I never got to travel with an AAU team outside of New Jersey. Never stayed with the same team, and I stopped playing in high school. I never went to nationals, and honestly half the time I hated it because I either didn't play or didn't really play that well. My high school career was the biggest bust ever. I was compared to an older kid and everyone thought I was pretty good. I was always hurt and spent just about half of my time on the sidelines. In the biggest game of my senior year I choked beyond belief. I never made it to the city championships. I only got looks because I played ok for a few weeks one summer, not because of my high school play.
It sounds like I'm complaining but its just to show the standards that were set and how for the most part I feel like I failed to reach. No one ever asks to be compared to anyone, but it always happens one way or another.
Its just like at times i feel that the only reason i do half the stuff I do is because of them. I feel like they've already made the path for me, whether it be for school, ball or whatever. It feels like I haven't made many of my own decissions. I feel like im living their life and not my own.
I mean I love my life, I just gotta make it more of my own.
I duno I'm just thinking too much again.
peace & love
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Almost there.....
I've been busy as hell the past few weeks with work, trying to stay in somewhat shape and doing this jumpsoles thing. It's gone by way too fast though. My average day fofr the past five weeks have been getting up at six, eating, showering, leaving at 7, taking the bus and 2 trains for an hour and fifteen minutes. Then walking to work where i get there at 8:30 after walking. Then i don't get out till 4:30-5 then i take the same trip home and don't get there till 6-6:30. After that i feel so beat i barely have energy to do anything. But ive been steady with this jumpsoles thing and I can actually feel the difference and I have 3 more weeks to go after just finishing up my fifth week. Also just after just starting this wild workout thing this past week with 90 reps of every lift, Ive been tired as hell, but its nice to get back into a sort of schedule. The only thing is that I haven't been shooting or playing as much as I like, but that'll get better after I finish this last week of work.
It's been wild that work has gone by so fast. The kids for the most part have been great and I really have learned a lot from them and I have realized that at times you can't take things too seriously. If so you just get burnt out. They help me at times to realize this with a little comment here or there where you can't really help but to laugh. I really do think I'll miss them when I go away to school. They feel like my little annoying brothers that it seems like I hate, but love them deep down. Hopefully all goes well this last week and that I can get this job again next summer. Even though there's those days where you just want to reach out and shake the shit out of them, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But for now I gott just keep doing my thing and hopefully more good things will come my way.
peace & love
It's been wild that work has gone by so fast. The kids for the most part have been great and I really have learned a lot from them and I have realized that at times you can't take things too seriously. If so you just get burnt out. They help me at times to realize this with a little comment here or there where you can't really help but to laugh. I really do think I'll miss them when I go away to school. They feel like my little annoying brothers that it seems like I hate, but love them deep down. Hopefully all goes well this last week and that I can get this job again next summer. Even though there's those days where you just want to reach out and shake the shit out of them, I wouldn't trade it for the world. But for now I gott just keep doing my thing and hopefully more good things will come my way.
peace & love
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