Home is where the heart is

Today I went back to the local park by my house where I've played ball since the sixth grade. I built my game there. I used to shoot all the time because I was too small and couldn't go inside. The hard fouls and the bullshit calls made there made me tougher and made me just play my game. It was one of the places where I first dunked a basketball, which will be a memory that will stay with me for the rest of my life. The love i've felt from people at the park will always stay with me. It has been my sanctuary for me. When going through hard times, its a place where i can shoot for hours until my pain leaves. It is a place where i can shoot and shoot for hours until its dark, and then shoot some more. It helped to give me confidence and realize that i'm not as bad as I think I am. The sad thing about the park is that it also showed me tales of people before my time whose game was great but never went anywhere with there lives. The fact that I see the same people evey time in the same state shows me that some of these people will stay in college point for the rest of their lives. I mean i love my town and the people in it. They brought me up, made me tough, helped me develop my game. My family has stayed here for 28 years. Its in my blood and my soul. But like the rest of my town I can't stay here forever. I don't want to die here. I want to go out and make a name for myself and eventually I want to come back here and help the youth and show them that they can make it out of here. To show them that there's more to life than just selling. I mean I don't live in the hood, but it's not the greatest place in the world. We have our mixture of gangs and violence. There's not a day where the sirens don't send me off to sleep. I mean coming back and seeing kids grow up it scares me. I mean i'm seeing kids now who seemed so innocent, but then they go into the wrong crowd and their lives go downhill from there. They start drinking and smoking at such an early age and it kills me inside. I mean I used to coach these kids when they were five and six years old, and to see them on the path that there on gets me everytime because I know what they could be better than that. They just follow the other fuck ups and stay here. I mean I will always love this place, but honestly not a lot of people get out of here and make something of themselves. I mean even kids I've grown up with have changed for the worst. I saw one of my boys today and realized that he's been to rikers island, gotten kicked out of his own house, is on food stamps and won't know where he'll be living in the next few months. And honestly it hurts me inside because he's been one of my friends since the 8th grade and I love him to death. But he's just so ignorant and won;t even go back to get his g.e.d. or a diploma. I wanted to yell at him for being that way, but I could never change his mind. He straight up said fuck school, if its not something that I need to know, then I'm not sitting in that class room, the streets have taught me most of what I need to know in life. Thats some wild shit to say. And then he goes about talking about how he's gonna get his rap game off the ground with a couple of battles. I haven't heard him do his thing of the mic, but I don't think that he's gonna be going platinum anytime soon. It just kills me to see the way he's going right now. I have to support him because he's my boy, but that doesn't mean that I like what he's doing. It's just that I know that he can do better than that. Unfortunately that's how a lot of people in my town are. They have all the potential in the world, but they end up blowing it on some stupid shit. I love my town to the point where I wanna come back and by my home from the owner. The memories that I've had here, both good and bad have helped me grow into the man and the person that I am today. The lesssons that I've learned from the streets have helped me as well, because you can't learn everything from your parents, you have to go out and experience it for yourself, and I've definitely experienced my fair share of things. When i'm older, I want to come back here and help the youth get out of here. I want them to realize that they can do better than this small part of Queens and that they can better their situation. Unfortunately there isn't anyone who can do that today. I want these kids to experience life to the fullest yet the fullest is only the borders of this town for most. This helps to drive me everyday to try and get out of here. The motivation from this town is more then enough. This town is full of blue collar workers who bust their ass everyday, where nothing is given to them and they have to earn everything that you have, whether it be money or respect. The thing is that you can either come from two directions which are a hard working family or your selling, and thats just the way it is. That "hard work" attitude will stay with me and will be passed on through my family because of this town. This place will always stay with me in my heart as will those who have helped me, but hopefully my world will be bigger than the boundaries of College Point.